Reflections

Well.

I made a lot of mistakes. I know that.

But, I think they were for the best. I mean...I figured out some things that I should have figured out before. Or maybe not. Maybe I was supposed to learn all of this now. Maybe it was all planned out.

That's kind of a comforting thought.

But I know that I hurt people that were, and still are, very important to me. And I need to apologize for that. I know that an apology really does nothing...but there is nothing else that I can do. What am I supposed to say? "Well, now you know that I'm a terrible person who enjoys hurting people. I have no heart whatsoever and creating misery is my passion."

As much as you would like to hear that, it's simply not true. I hate hurting people. Despise it. Every time someone is hurting, I hurt too. And when I cause the pain, it's almost suicidal. Literally. Maybe I don't have a heart though. I mean, how could I possibly when I gave it away? I hope I have a little smidgen left though, so that it will grow back. I know that time will allow it to grow back. I just have to let it.

I know I was wrong. But I was right too. I know that I did the right thing. The only thing wrong about it was the timing. I should have done it sooner. But the past is the past. I can't change it. I shouldn't have said some of the things that I said, and I should probably have gone about it in a different way. But the fact of the matter is that I didn't. And I can't change that.

Well. I made some important decisions. I'm staying in-state for college. Going about 4 hours away from home. So I still get out of the house but I also get out of debt.

I'm sorry.