Complications

Yea. I'm having complications with my heart problems. I haven't spoken to him in a while. Do I call him, or do I not? Do I tell him, or do I not? Why don't I know? Shouldn't I know myself better than this? Shouldn't I know what to do?

I really want to talk to him. I'm kind of addicted to our conversations. Wait...that sounds bad.

I'm...I...hmm.

I guess I just really like talking to him. And I used to talk to him every night. I haven't talked to him for over a week now. Am I just being an idiotic girl? I just get so frustrated with myself!

I just wish he would call me. That would clear a few things up.

Heart Problems...

Unfortunately, I feel as if I am a girl from one of those stupid romantic books where she loves this guy and the guy has no idea that she even exists.

The problem with me is that he does know that I exist, and we have a lot of fun together.  But that's all.  He's the nicest guy ever, and I don't want to tell him that I like him because I just know that it will be amazingly awkward after.  Because I'm pretty sure that he doesn't think of me that way.  I mean, we're just friends.  And I guess that's better than nothing.  But still...sometimes I just wish...

Yea.  I know that I'm being fickle.  I just wish my heart would figure itself out.  Because I can't decide how strongly I like this guy...

Just some thoughts..

I've been having some pretty weird feelings lately. Ones that I don't normally have. Thoughts about dating, relationships, and crazy stuff like that. I actually asked my mom the other day about how she and dad dated. I learned that my dad dated a girl for two entire years before he met my mom, and was really hurt by that girl.

I never, ever want to be that girl.

I know that might mean that I get my heart broken. Maybe a lot. But I can deal with that. I have enough love in my family to mend my heart a thousand times over. And I can safely say that I will not be dating a thousand guys in my lifetime.

I just can't stand the thought of hurting someone else. Especially a guy. I don't know why it seems so much different. But it does. It's probably because I expect him to protect me. To take care of me. The least I can do is to keep his heart intact.

It makes me angry, very angry when I hear of girls nagging guys. Of getting angry at them for no reason. For placing unfair expectations on them.

I don't really know. I don't have an answer to these thoughts. I really don't have a question in these thoughts. They are just....thoughts.

Unforgettable.

Wow. I mean, wow. This summer has been amazing. Completely amazing. (Also the quickest summer ever). In general, my summers are usually pretty crappy. Nothing really happens, I hang out with friends every once in a while, and I work my butt off trying to save money. At the end of the summer, I'm usually broke and excited to go back to school.

This summer was different.

I made amazing new friends. I didn't work my butt off, but managed to save about $400. (Hey that's a big deal for me). And I'm so sad to have to go back to school.

I officially love summer. I'm sad that a bunch of my friends don't go to my school. I'm sad thinking that the end of summer might mean the end of friendships. And I don't want that to happen. I freakin' love these people!

This summer has been so busy. I don't think that I really have had a time for thought. Heck, I even finished my summer reading a week before school. I usually finish it a week after school ends. Usually, busyness wears me down. Makes me exhausted. (True, I have been more tired than normal, but I have been staying up later.) But I want to keep going. I love this busyness.

And my friends. Where do I even start?

I spent a week with these people. A tiring week. A hard week. A long week (at times). But an amazing week. A week of change. Sometimes, I wonder, "Am I still changed? Have I reverted back to the introvert me? The shy me? The one who never stands up for herself?"

I hope not. I most sincerely hope not.

But you know what I hope most? That the friends that I have made won't forget me. Because I know for sure I'll never forget them.

Ever.